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Did I ever tell you about my first kiss? x

A couple of years ago, we set up a drama group at work. We were asked to write monologues to practice on. I wrote the piece below. I felt its time to be shared. 

 

Did I ever tell you about my first kiss?

I was seven, maybe eight years old and I was invited to a birthday party. I loved hanging out with my school friends. That day I was very excited. I loved parties. This one was special. All my close friends were going to be there and to make sure I come, my friend’s parents arranged for their driver to take me home after the party was over.

 

أيامنا الحلوة Our beautiful Days

I am always proud to be an Egyptian and will always be but sometimes things happen to further consolidate my love and passion for my country. Life is strange with its surprises. For me, most of its surprises are unpleasant, but the one I encountered on Friday night uplifted my mood so much that I haven't stopped smiling. Yet my heart aches. I miss my country so much. I miss its people, history, walking downtown late at night, my friends .. everyone. But what has been nagging me was my lack of impulsiveness. I who consider myself so spontaneous have failed to satisfy my curiosity to learn more about a random person I met coincidently. 
 
On Friday night I have changed my rituals and instead of hanging out with my work colleagues I went to the west end for a change. I should have known better.

alone

"It is obvious you are looking for something. It doesn’t need Freud to figure that out"

Of course I'm looking for something! I never denied that. The search has kept me going so long. But I'm getting tired now from the fruitless pursuit. Sometimes I wonder whether I am looking in the wrong direction or whether I have misled myself into believing in something that truly never exists. Maybe I just need to look for something else.

أنانية أنا

انتظر لقاءنا الذي لم نحدد له موعد.

أناديك كل ليلة لتأتيني لكي تعوضني بما كان من المحتمل أن يكون ولم يكن لأنك رحلت.

هل تسمع بكائي؟

**********

كيف لي أن ألخص صداقتنا إلى كلمات مكتوبة على ورق؟

كيف لي أن ألخص صداقتنا إلى كلمات مكتوبة على ورق؟

سؤال يضرب رأسى كلما جلست أحاول أن أصف للعالم من أنت بالنسبة لي.

فكيف لى أن أصف إنسانا أصبح بالنسبة لي في فترة قصيرة للغاية كل ما أستند إليه وأستمد منه قوتي؟

التسامح وقبول الذات

من فترة كنت في حوار ساخن مع أحد اصدقائي وكان الحوار حول الأسباب التي تؤدي إلى رفض الآخر و عدم قبول كل من هو مختلف عن القاعدة. ووصلت في آخر الحوار إلى استنتاج وهو ان السبب الرئيسي وراء العنف والعنصرية وانتهاك حقوق الانسان بشكل عام هو ان بعض الناس لا يستطيعون قبول حقيقتهم ويخافون من المواجهة ولذلك فإنهم يحاولون محو كل من يعرض فكر أو سلوك قد يكون غريب او مختلف  ووصلت أيضاً لنتيجة وهي ان هؤلاء الذين يرفضون لأن الآخر مختلف هم اشخاص ضعفاء ولم يصلوا حتى الآن إلى مرحلة الصفاء النفسي الذي لا يتم تهديده أو هزه بسهولة لأن الانسان الواثق من عقائده أو أراءه أو سلوكه لا يخاف من من هو مختلف ويفضل الحوار على العنف  (المعنوي أوالمادي).

Closure

Dear …

I have always heard about the importance of closure but never did I think that its experience can be very confusing. Today, I can finally admit that I have reconciled with a very important part of my past. As much as that is a very positive thing, I am confused. Reconciliation left me with a vacuum that needs to be filled. As a friend of mine told me, now I am ready for a new deal. But until that deal is struck, that vacuum would continue to bug me for a while.

When I finally realised that it was over; that my strong emotions that have lasted for four years now have finally settled, I was sad. I had the urge to cry. I was mourning. It's not that bad. For the last two years, I have trained myself to celebrate life with all its sadness and happiness. Life is finite and things do have an ending. It's just sometimes difficult to realise that certain experiences have ended.

Please hang on

Dearest…..

I am at my office working but listening to music as I am doing so and suddenly "Geordie" the song was playing.

You have the most beautiful voice ever. It’s a shame that you are constantly embarrassed to let the world enjoy such an angelic voice.

As I was listening to the song I recalled moments of my childhood: traveling in the old Volvo with the smell of hot leather suffocating me and you singing to us songs. These are happy memories that intersect and interject many other sad and painful ones. Your voice singing in my ears as I recall my past makes me smile. Yet I hold my tears back. What would I do if you ever go? Your vulnerability and pain hurts me so much. I wish I could do something to make you the happiest person on earth.

مراسيل Letters

i am announcing a new section in my blog entitled letters .

  The idea came to me a few months ago. I wanted to document all those thoughts and words that i could not say or chose not to say to people. They might be very personal and nothing to do with activism or politics, but these letters are a big part of me. 

The identity of the reciever is kept hidden. They too do not know that i have written to them.

 

I hope you enjoy 

 

 

If Only I can Live

Dear ……

I don’t know who to write to. I am very tired, actually exhausted and drained. As I'm lying in bed I try to sleep. What a difficult task to perform. My body wants to sleep but my mind and soul won’t, even though I am desperately in need to rest.

My chest hurts but it's that kind of pain that I cannot describe or elaborate. There is no one area that I can point at. My chest just hurts. My ribs are slowly encircling my lungs and heart, squeezing tight, suffocating me. As much as I don’t want to die I do actually want to depart this world just for a little while. The pain in my chest is too strong – I need to rest.

Welcome! Who am I?

You can add any text here, put images, your photo and practically anything. You can configure this about box from widgets settings in Wordpress Dashboard. For custom HTML content, add the "Text" widget and put your content there.

You can add any text here, put images, your photo or practically anything. You can configure this about box from widgets settings in Wordpress Dashboard. For custom HTML content, add the "Text" widget and put your content there.